(no subject)

[guppy_sandhu]

Guppy and Hannibal spent a fair amount of time working on Sunshine yesterday, and she is currently resting in one of the beds.

She could probably do with some gentle company.

Comments

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Her heartbeat is loud, even to her, but she does not pull away.

"There are a lot of people in the universe who've known cruelty, both causing it and receiving it," she says, her fingers threading lightly through his hair. Rae can't even say for sure what he means when he says 'friend.'

"Why would you choose him?"

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

'I don't know,' he whispers, and his eyes clench shut.

He misses Elizaveta so much. He misses his wife, his friend, his lover. He misses having someone to share space with, someone that didn't want anything from him but what he has to offer by drawing breath.

'His reason defies all logic, Rae. He torments me as surely as I torment him.'

He thinks, casting back through centuries, trying to find something to explain his fascination.

A tiny dry laugh escapes his lips. Why did he not see if before?

'He reminds me -- of Radu.'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

The name is utterly unfamiliar to her, but it's clear it means much to him.

"Would you tell me about him?"

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

He laughs a little, under his breath, a bitter dry sound.

'Who? Javert? Or Radu?'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Her fingers move lightly through his dark hair.

"Of Radu. You've not spoken of him before, to me."

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

He hums in quiet contentment at the simple touch.

'He was my brother. We were given to the Sultan as hostages of the Court when we were ten. He bent to their will, while I would not.'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Her fingers do not still, but continue to move in their slow, gentle way.

"What happened to him?"

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

His fist clenches in the sheets.

'I killed him. In battle, his sword raised against my own, but nonetheless, I struck him down.'

He sighs.

'And I do not regret it. He would have slain me, had I not. But he was my brother.'

God is a bastard, in Vlad's eyes.

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

(Our circumstance requires one of us to be the end of the other.)

"There is nothing... wrong, in killing someone who would have killed you, had you not killed them first," Rae murmurs. Two years ago, she would not have been able to say that with any certainty. She knows more of war, now. "One's... I don't know what to call it, one's drive to survive... requires it. One shouldn't have to regret fighting for survival, but that doesn't mean there isn't horror to it."

She knows that, too.

"And you see something of your brother in Javert," Rae murmurs, drifting her fingers through his dark hair.

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

He laughs, a bitter sound.

'I do. He is stubborn. Proud. Refuses to see reason. And -- is there not something worthy in that? The ability to stand fast, even when -- '

He swallows, and presses his face against her.

'Even when all else falls around you.'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight,
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay.

Sunshine swallows, and nods. Even if he doesn't see it, the thought is there and she knows he hears it.

Trying single-handedly to hold back a flood? Refusing to give in, and refusing to back down, despite the threat of annihilation?

Like either of them could deny the nobility in that. It's what they do, after all.

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

'Yes. Yes.'

He sits up gently, pulling her hand to his mouth and placing a kiss upon her palm.

'I knew you would understand.'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Sunshine watches him, and though her mind is dulled by the concussion and the pain medication, she is somewhat more aware in that moment of the scrapes on her knuckles and bruises on her wrist, the signs of her recent battle, than she was a moment previous.

"You hope to return a sense of purpose to Javert, whose pride and stubbornness reminds you of your brother," she murmurs. "Your brother whose sense of purpose necessitated that you kill him or be killed, for his purpose was diametrically opposed yours."

Why do this, she wants to ask. What need does he hope this will fulfill?

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

'Yes,' he breathes, studying her eyes.

'No. I don't know. I know his purpose is lost to him. I know -- '

His expression crumples, his eyes closed, his jaw set.

'I only know that I must do this.'

Re: Sunshine awake

[sunbaked_baker]

Sunshine moves her hand, gently resting her warm palm against his cheek, her fingertips brushing against the line of his jaw. "You must?"

"... I doubt you'd suffer anyone but yourself to decide what you must or must not do," she says, gentle, but ever-so-slightly dry. "You 'must' do this only because you decide so. There is nothing forcing this... turmoil in you but you."

He has the will to do what he wants. Whatever he sets his mind to. Saying he 'must' removes all sense of agency on his part; he becomes a passive participant in some situation beyond his control.

And if not in his, then whose?

Re: Sunshine awake

[vojvode]

'I cannot explain it, Rae.'

His eyes close, and his brow knits. It's as if the weight he bears is physical, grinding him down.

'He does not -- has never known love.' His voice trails off at that, but his eyes open, beseeching her. 'Can you imagine? Living a life without even the memory of it? Without understanding it at all?'