ways_infirmary | (no subject)

The door opens and a heavily pregnant youngster comes in. She's looking for Hank specifically, but as soon as she sees Nerdanel she is at her friend's side.

"Miss Nerdanel?" She touches her hand gently.

Nerdanel is white-sheet pale, her copper hair seeming so much darker against the blanched pallor. Her breathing is even, deep, and her eyes closed, lashes like black smudges.

There is no sign she hears Shufti, but somewhere in her silent sleep, she knows her friend is there.

She takes the hand and squeezes it.

"I don't know what happened, but it looks like you had the baby. You're in the infirmary now, if you don't know."

She perches on the edge of the bed, with some difficulty.

"My mum was like this once. She said she could hear me when she woke up from the sleeping sickness so maybe you can too. She said it was scary not being able to answer. I hope you're not scared. The doctors and healers can do wonderful things here."

She watches her friend for a moment for any sign of movement or understanding.

"I'm thirty six weeks now. Really scared. But you've helped me a lot, so I won't be completely useless."

She puts Nerdanel's hand on her bump, in the hope that she may feel the kicks. "I think I've got a little wrestler in here. It seems to know where to poke my bladder. I haven't seen Feaho yet, but I bet he's a beautiful baby. But he's going to need his mum to get better. It's hard growing up without one, even if you're bigger than he is. So you need to keep trying and get better, and don't go towards any lights mum said."

She is quiet for a moment, listening to the hum of machines.

The Elf's fingers move slightly against Shufti's belly, but that is all.

She knows.

She can hear her.

She wants to open her eyes -- this darkness, this utter, utter blackness would drive her mad if she remained in it too long.

But she was also so very tired. A spirit-weary exhaustion.

So she remained in that black oblivion.

She looks down at the hand.

"You moved! You can hear."

She squeezes Nerdanel's hand again gently.

"You can get better, I know you can. My mum did, and she was so thin you could feel her ribs and mistake her for the garden rake we had before we burned it. And we got her through it with a witch, a half bottle of brandy and home made soup. You've got all these doctors and things that know what they're doing. You couldn't have picked a better place to get sick."

Nerdanel is still again. No sign that she hears, that she knows, but she does. She misses her son already.

His soothing, active presence.

Shufti lies down next to Nerdanel, letting her bump rest against her friend's body and keeping hold of the hand.

And she sings. It's not a tuneful voice, but it's soft. Not an appropriate song perhaps, but she doesn't know many. Her native Borogravian tongue fills the quiet little room.

Asar-Suti had never been here.

But he crept in, later that day, deeply worried for his friend. Just to see her face and touch her hand.

Unlike many of the friends not of her world, Asar-Suti knew about Miriel Serinde and her fate, so there was a sense of gloom in his face that even demonstraive smiling couldn't drive away.

Her face seems to relax when he enters.

A peace is found.

The blackness of her sleep doesn't bother her so much when her dearest friend is beside her.

Asar-Suti sat on the edge of the bed, not caring whether that was permitted or not.

He held her hand and looked into her face. She was so pale...

He felt like crying, but he didn't want to dishearten anybody. Least of all Nerdanel.

There is a soft sigh from her.

A momentary flutter of lashes.

Then she is still as death once more, save for the slow, steady rhythm of her breathing.

Wasn't that what they'd said about Miriel? A deep sleep from which she couldn't wake?

"Red, rest well and then come back to us," Asar-Suti said, quietly. She seemed to react to his presence at least, so perhaps his voice as well. His voice sank to a whisper; nobody else needed to hear that. "Nerdanel, I love you so much. We love you - we want you back, you know."

He felt slightly silly, saying to her sleeping face what he'd never had said, not as seriously, when she was awake.

She wants to take his hand. Wants to smile at him. She wants to laugh with Gil and Sooty again.

The Elf wants to tell the god how much she loves him. Loves the witty, vulgar Gil.

But she saves it. Waits. When the exhaustion passes... when she wakes...

Because Miriel hadn't wanted to wake.

Nerdanel did.

Asar-Suti bent his head and kissed her knuckles.

Then, he held on to her hand, and just sat with her, silently.

He's watched from the office door by a familiar face.

Guppy won't interrupt this poignant moment. He's just there if Asar-Suti wants to know what he's been doing to help her, or wants a shoulder to cry on, a friend to hug.

After a while, Asar-Suti pulled himself together, stood up, let go of Nerdanel's hand, and turned to leave.

That was when he saw Guppy in the office door, and walked over to talk briefly to the doctor.

Guppy nods to him.

"Come on in, I've just put the kettle on."

"Thanks," Asar-Suti said, stepping inside. "You did wonderfully with her, you know. I guess we can only wait now."

He smiles a little, breaking the worried frown for a couple of seconds.

"Thanks. I'll admit, it was bloody terrifying." the smile fades. "And you're right. I'll brainstorm with Hank when I see him but if we can't use any drugs I don't think he'll be able to do anything either. She's stable at least. That's something."

He rubs his forehead. "How's Feaho?"

"Námo and Gorlim are taking care of him," Asar-Suti said. "And however spooked Námo might be, Gorlim's a father himself, has been for several months, and know the ropes. I haven't yet been and disturbed them."

Guppy nods. He's seen Gorlim as a parent enough to know Feaho will be in safe hands.

"Do you happen to know if Nerdanel wants to breast feed?"

Oh - a chance to be useful!

"She does," Asar-Suti said. "Either she or Námo mentioned to me that she was going to bring bottles of her own, erm, product to him on the days when he's supposed to have Feahelce; so she would."

Guppy nods.

"Well that's good to know. Thing is though, if she doesn't start breast feeding within a couple of weeks she'll stop producing the milk. And in the meantime, what's Feaho being fed on?"

"I have no idea," Asar-Suti said, utterly out of his depth. "I suspect that if you ask the bar for elf milk in a baby bottle, you get some."

The worried look fades just a little at this point.

"You know, that's an excellent suggestion. And it gives us a week before we have to worry about keeping her lactating."

It's certainly better than the means of feeding Feaho he'd been thinking of.

"You know," Asar-Suti said, "even for that, there mightbe measures to be taken. Erm. LIke a female doctor with a pump?"

The expressionon his face showed that hewas finding all of this utterly weird.

Guppy nods.

"That was what I was thinking yes. I was however considering the rather limited number of female doctors around here. If it gets to that I'll have to try and get hold of Janet and hope she's around."

He pours the tea and passes a cup to Asar-Suti. "If I can't, do you know any of Nerdanel's close female friends? I can instruct on use of the pump but it wouldn't exactly be appropriate for me to do it myself."

"There's a girl that has become attached to her, skinny pregnant thing from Eska's world, from the feel of her," Asar-Suti said. "I don't know her myself, she's shy, but I often see her with Nerdanel."

Guppy nods. "I know who you mean. Although I don't think Shufti's far off giving birth herself. She's looking very big. Hopefully for her own sake she'll hold out a bit longer."

He sips his tea. "Honestly, births around here are like number ten buses. Hardly one for ages then three come along at once."

"Who's the third?" Asar-Suti asked, curious.

"Peter Venkman's wife, Dana. Although I think she's having hers back home. She was about eight months when she came to my Milliversary party so she can't be far off now."

He sips his tea.

"I didn't even know he had a wife," Asar-Suti said. "When I met him last year, he was female. Erm. Due to some magical mishap. As usual in Milliways."

"Possibly fiance. I'm not sure. Partner anyway."

He smiles a little. "Yeah, he's normally male."

"Yep, I realise Peter is a male name," Asar-Suti shrugged.

Then he sighed, squared his shoulders, put down his empty teacup, and said, "I shold be getting on - Gil will want to know how Red is. Erm, Nerdanel, I mean."

He nods.

"Of course. Say hi to Gil for me, I didn't get to talk to him much earlier and I keep missing him in the bar. Guy must be working too hard. I'll take care of her. Short of a majax I'm not going anywhere."

Mere milliseconds before Asar-Suti would have asked what kind of monster a Majax was, his brain suggested that it had to be jargon for 'major accident'.

He had to concede that sounded plausible.

"Thanks, Guppy," he said aloud, and then walked away.

Gorlim slips in after everyone else has left. He has acquired an orchid blossom in a pot, and a bunch of lavendar which he fastens to the bed near her head where she can smell it. Athelas would be better, but he doesn't have any of that.

He sits at the edge of the bed and takes her hand.

The presence of her son is noticed immediately, the distinct feel of his spirit. The fingers twitch in his hand--

I know you are near

--then nothing.

Gorlim smiles and squeezes her hand.

"Hello, Nana," he says quietly. "I came to bring you a flower and some herbs from Eilinel. She wishes you well. Namo and Rabastan and I have been looking after Gabriel. He's fine -- better than fine. He's got three daddies with him every second, sometimes more, if Sooty and Gil and Guppy turn up. Though it looks like Guppy's probably here most of the time, and I'm glad. He's a good doctor. He helped me understand the sickness in my mind, and he has it, too, but he's so good at taking care of things, Nana. So is Namo. He's learned how to love the tiny one. I knew he would. He'll be a good father."

Gorlim rubs her hand with his thumb.

"It must be hard on you, what you did. I'm glad you're sleeping. But don't sleep too deep, or too long, Nana. We miss you, all of us. I miss you. And your son misses you."

It had all been hard.

But the moment she saw that babe, the moment the blue of her son's eyes had met the grey of her own, she knew instantly it had all be worth the hardship, the exhaustion, the pain.

She can smell the lavender, the soothing quality of it, and her breathing deepens.

Love you all

He smiles, and leans over to place a kiss on her forehead. Then, holding her hand tight, he sings to her.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder
Where my life will lead me
Waiting to pass under
Sleep's dark and silent gate.

I found my love too late,
Running around day after day
Looking for the time to play
While my old friends slipped away.

Never should have had to try so hard
To make a love work out, I guess.
I don't know what love has got to do with happiness,
But the times when we were happy
Were the times we never tried.

Sitting down by the highway,
Looking down the road,
Waiting for a ride.
I don't know where I've been
Wishing I could fly away,
Don't know where I'm going,
Wishing I could hide.
Oh God this is some shape I'm in
When the only thing that makes me cry
Is the kindness in my baby's eye.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder
Where the years have gone.
They have all passed under
Sleep's dark and silent gate.

The song penetrates her blackness.

Wraps around her heart.

She aches for her broken son, and a tear slips down her cheek.

"Oh, Nana..."

Gorlim thumbs the tear away gently.

"I'm sorry. I always found that song so peaceful. Like a lullabye when the war is over. I guess maybe not for everyone, though." He sighs. "I don't mean to make you sad. We have a family now, all of us. Gabriel's healthy and happy. Namo and I are together with our Rabastan. I showed Namo a mind-picture of your heron and dove drawing. I drew in my mind a little chick under both our wings. And the other night, I built a nest for us both and we slept there together, wrapped so warm. I forgot to tell you -- our nest again. We're going to be all right. We've... worked at things."

Her lashes flitter against the pale skin of her cheek, showing more tears resting there, simply unable to be shed.

She had hoped they would find peace. Perhaps not together, but some kind of peace. She loved Gorlim; she cared about Mandos. To have them hurting so much... all she had wanted was peace for them. If they found it together, if Gorlim chose this path, then maybe... maybe peace could be found together.

And Rabastan? She would have to remember to ask about that one. She didn't want to see the pain of Lee reenacted with the broken wizard.

NONE of them wanted to see that happen.

Gorlim puts his hand on her forehead.

"We're all right, Nana. All of us. That's all I meant to tell you. To give you hope. Please don't fade, mum," he says quietly, switching into an endearment in the common tongue. "Not so soon. Rabastan just found out his mum died. I don't want your sons to go through that, too. Neither Gabriel nor my dear friend Maglor. We all need you, and we'll take care of you. Do it better, if we muddled it the first time around. And Kelly needs a more girls in her life."

Slowly, the shine on her lashes fades.

She had only just gotten all her sons back -- while adding two more to the number.

She was not going to give up.

She only needed to... to find her way back. For her spirit to puff itself up. Just a... a little sleep...

For a few minutes, Gorlim just sits with her, humming and idly crushing the blossoms and leaves on the lavendar until the scent fills the room.

After a while, he quiets and squeezes her hand. "I'm going back to make sure Namo isn't panicking yet, Nana. But I'll come see you again." He stands and goes to the door. "Rest as long as you need, mum. We'll be here when you wake up. And dream well, dream beautifully."