ways_infirmary | (no subject)

She was out on the lake last night, else she would have been amongst the crew that caught his arrival, as it is though, she came as soon as she awakened fully and heard the anguish.

There's signs here, tell tale markers of her brother, and she's glad for it, because without that, she feels, the boy would be in far more danger than he is.

Perhaps it's a mark of her own hero's heart, or just a sign of Rachel, but the moment she crosses the threshhold she no longer cares for herself, slipping deftly past the mental screaming to wrap warm arms around his mind ::I'm here::

It's the only nessage se sends for now, simply letting his mind accept that as she surveys the damage...

His eyes snap open and he sees her, amongst the other thoughts, the other fires, the other things...

::Who are you?::

The mindspeach is completely varied, insane, lost...

She doesn't mind the splinters, she's encountered worse all told. ::Rachel:: she answered easily. She's a woman, a bird, a dancing flame upon the air. All that and more, the shadows in between and the whitest star...

::I'm here to help,if you want:: she offered. She'd like him tob accept her help, it'll be easier that way.

But it isn't truly necessary.

The flames draw his mindseye and he gasps.

FireDragonendeathchasngestrangefearpainwild!

::Who -- I dont -- what-?::

His mind's sending is broken up, hesitant, splintered by emotions gone wild.

She nodded firmly to herself, settling comfortably against his bed and letting her eyes close. She'd do what she could for now.

And what tthat means is she builds. A haven, a drawing togeter of the splinters by sheer force of will until there's a room. A simple room such as found in a country home. Thick, solid walls, the sense of warm sunshine...

But there ae no doors. And only one window, shuttered though it may be. It's quiet, and she draws him there. He cannot stay, not onhis own, nor can the room last beyond her departure, but they can talk.

So she's there, leaning against the wall with her arms limply at her sides as she watches the young boy in this mental room.

he shudders, his eyes twicthing about, eyeing every wall of the room, eyeing her and confused, scared, witless/

"What- where are we?", he asks in the dream that isnt a dream.

And she just sinks down to sit on the floor, peace, and calm, heavy as summer sunshine flowing into the room ::We're where we have to be to talk:: she admitted. ::It's not permanant, but it's quiet::

His eyes are scared. Without the voices, the Dragon, the fire, he is lost, afraid, unseeing. What is, isnt.....

he shakes his head, trying to concentrate.

"What are you? What am I? Who am I? what is this? What---? I dont underdstand....!@"

That last is a wail into the air as he curls uop, hands clutching his head.

She'd expected something like this. It always happened, and she's repeat this scene every time she entered, as long as necessary. After all, she'd learned patience.

So she scooted forward, stroking his hair gently, soothing. ::I'm a hero. You're a hero too, but you're hurt. This is a quiet place. A safe place, and for now, you don't have to understand.:: she offered, words simple and true.

he shudders, looking at her, shivering, his mind not quite making sense of this, of her.

::I dont understand... I cant... see... what?::

The attempt to understand wrings a cry of pain from him and he shivers, ducking his head again.

In answer she gathered him in her arms, strong and sure despite her own weaknesses. She's always been strong enough to help. ::You're very hurt::

::It's been loud, and you see things that confuse you:: she noted.

::I stopped that for a little while::

he shivers in her arms, afraid and yet wanting closeness, so very alone

and afraid

and not sure and yet sure

and yet what if this is a trick? how do I know?

and...silent, and not

and what if....

what if

what if

He shakes in her arms and says nothing.

She is content with that. Trust is something that comes in fits and bursts, something earned through time.

And here they have all the time in the world.

For now she simply holds him, because he hasn't drawn away from tha small comfort.

he shivers in her arms, unthinking and thinking too much and not sure and yet sure and always wondering...

...what if?

But the hug is good, some small part of him might think...

And slowly, so slowly that it may just be something he himself managed, she feeds him strength. Not too much. Mere drops, but something to help slow those raging thoughts.

he shudders at her touch, inner touch, outer touch, strange touch... he shifts under it and feels around it... he grins somewhat at her.

"Weird, srrange this place... not real and yuet real and yet false and yet... fiery...."

his eyes haunt with fire, flames in the form of a dragon...

::Yep:: she agreed simply to everything and nothing. ::It's here cause it needs to be, a passing thought, a dream really:: she chuckled, slipping easily into a stranger cadence to slip amongst his own falterings.

He shivers again, still, a constant thing. His eyes flocker and widen. Images dance in even this small spoace of his mind; odd shaoes and colors, not screams and not wvoices, not the dragon, but images of a broken mind unleashed by loss and pain and letting go.

he looks at her and only madness stares out of his eyes.

That's alright, she's seen such a look in her own eyes, before the mirror shattered.

They're not voices. Not screams. Not even words, but pictures. Lost and scattered from where they should lie or how they should fit in memory...and they don't serve a purpose right now.

So she gathers them, one by one, then carefully stands, slipping her arms free of Lavan to walk over to one of thoe empty walls.

An empty wall that no longer is, containing a bookshelf now, a way for him to interact with those images without truly living them right now. And so, she slipped what she had gathered, carefully bound books, upon the shelves.

He shudders as he watches her, feeling somehow off to see her handle them, to see her doing what he should be able to do.

why is he broken?

why torn?

why made wrong?

why?

why?

why?

...-

his mental words just degenerate and he curls up again, his momentary solidity gone as he stares around.

The simple fact is that he cannot do this for himself right now. He doesn't have the stability to stand on, the training to heal himself, or the true desire to do so.

In time he may.

Until then she'll do for him.

::Why doesn't matter. Not yet. You'll find that when you're ready:: she soothed, coming back to lay a warm hand on his shoulder.

::What should I call you?::

He shivers as he watches her.

::Why? Why not? Why what? Why.... I ....::

he stares off and tries to think , somehow hearing thinking maybe he knows.... and a name comes to him thnat isnt right but is and ....

::Lan... call me Lan.::

::Hello Lan:; it's fit. A piece off a name for someone in splinters. It fits very well for now.

::I'm Rach:: repitition, the key to many things.

Repitition and focusing on something besides the grat and swirling whole. ::Are you cold?::

::Rach::

he nods, jerkily. He tries top concentrate on her words but images swirl in his thoughts nd his eyes shift and he grins and then he gapes and he wonders and.... he blinks

"What? Cold? No... not cold... I'm... freezing, ish, sort of... I think?"

::Thinking is good enough:: she agrred with a smile, rising again to a closet. Strange, these things that appear in the wall.

The blanket she brings back to drape around him is dark and warm, swirling star patterns dancing across the thick weave. Darkness to define the stars...

he blinks at the closet, trying to remember if it had been therem and giving up. Appearing, dispappearing.. strangenesses...

He huddles under the blanket and his mind wheels around.

::So... confused....::

She sat nearby, a warm line he could reach out and touchif he wanted to. ::Yes, I know. It's going to be confusing for a while longer I'm afraid:: she admitted, unwilling to lie to him.

::What you need to know for now...is that this is what you need:: her hand tapped the floor, then waved at the walls.

::A quiet place to find yourself in, to work from when you're ready. These are Your walls, you protection...:: she doesn't say from what. He'll open that lone shutter to view his mind when he's ready.

he shivers an curls up more, laying down in the center of the room

::Safe? Not safe... nothing is safe. everything is broken, torn, shatterred, lost....::

She knows that reaction as well. And it's wrong. But it takes everyone different amounts of time to learn that.

::This isn't shattered:: she noted.

She shifted to cradle his head in her lap. She has time.

he shivers and leans against her, his eyes flickering.

"Tired, so tired... why... what is wrong with me?"

he shudders again, wracked by doubts and fears.

She won't lie. She won't ever lie about such important things. ::Your mind is in pieces right now. Something happened that broke you:: she offered gently.

::It makes you tired, and scared, and unbalanced. I know::

he stares up at her in horror.

"Wha--?"

He shakes a bit.

"I dont... understand?"

He shakes his ehad agaian and shudders, a lethargy coming over him.

::Tired....::

In answer she offered a crystal globe in the air above his head, dancing with rainbow colors...but cracks suffused it, twisting the light...::Right now you don't have to:: she assured.

::Sleep. I'll stay::

he shudders, his eyes drawn in to the light and his eyes close, slowly.

::Sleep... thank you....::

And he slowly, restlessly, falls into darkness.

A soft brush of feather.

"Hello."

And eyes full of ever-shifting flame.

Eyes confused and off stare up at the eyes of flame, squinting, blinking, and the figure shivers.

A throat healed but still aching from being burnt tries to form words, bu they come out inside his head as he stares upwards, trying to comprehend.

::Who-- hello?::

Flames flicker in his mind and he finds himself whimpering slightly.

He reaches forward, long elegant fingers stroking gently over his forehead as he dims the inner flames, sets them at a lower, more steady burn. Then he leans back and sits on nothing, braced only on air and the wrapping of his wings.

"I can hear you."

The sudden change in the flames burning makes Lavan's eyes fly open. He stares at this being, shivering.

::Who? How? Why? Why burning? Why lost? What are you? I dont....::

Images slide past his mind, his eyes remembering burning, flickering flames, lost white horses, dreams.... but the flames flicker steady, niot out of control, and his eyes return to Loki's and he blinks.

::Who?::

"My name is Loki," he says quietly, "And I'm not going to hurt you."

Does he see these things in Loki as well? In Loki's eyes? He has been a horse. He has been flames. He is the Trickster, the Transformer and the Transformation, the ever flickering Flame. Catalyst, myth-maker, the fire through which a hero might make history.

It is said sometimes it is not too good to look into a God's eyes for fear of being mad, but what if you are mad already? Lavan stares into Loki's eyes and sees... not quite images, but feelings, and strangeness. And power.

He shivers, some small sense coming to him.

::Loki... not sure... what... ::

he closes his eyes and tries to think.

::It is hard to think... hard to... concentrate? I am... Lan?::

He shivers. The name feels right and wrong and weird and short and ... he shivers and nods.

::Lan.::

There is a true name, but no fault to this boy for not giving it to him. Few trusted him, though he so very rarely lies. Liesmith they might call him, and Oathbreaker, but he does neither lightly and all examples one might bring are simply... alternate truths.

"Lan, then. But don't worry. I'm not here to ask anything of you. Only to perhaps..."

Help? Is that the word? Or is it merely his Purpose calling, as strongly as for a Trick, as strongly as the madness that leads him towards Ragnarok?

"... speak with you."

Lan is as true a name as his birth name, given him by those few who trulyt earned friend as a name, given him by heart friends, perhaos a truer name than his own, perhaos a name more true than he klnows, but he doesnt, know that is, he knows fire and words shifting and rooms tilting an everything strange.

::Where... am I dead?::

He shivers. Flame is his memory, flame and death and not death but life and here and cool hands and hot words and then... light... a woman, clearly speaking, in a white room, but here, but not... he strains for memory, but it eludes him. Is he dead? No. But his mind cries from the questions. For death claimed his self, did it not? Or part of his self? or was that illusion too?

A part of his mind is sore, torn, hurting, shivering.

::What is this place?::

"One of healing," he says, because anything else is a bit too much for him almost certainly, "and of most amazing things, different than you've ever known."

He shivers, and turns slightly, in his retraints, glad for them for a moment, and not glad, but glad for the tightness which holds him close. His mind seems to clear for a moment, and he is crying, tears trickling from eyesockets freshly healed.

::Wonders? Healing... Like a House of Healing? I...rememeber... something... long ago? yesterday? I... would like... I think? I think I would like to be better... to think... straight...::

"A wish I share, but... perhaps."

A hand reaches out to glide feather-light against his cheek as he uses the other to pull a feather from his wing.

"I am a god, Lan. A god of flame... and a god of change. When you wish, take this," and the feather changes in his hand to a opal-like substance, a ring of it, before he seeks out Lan's hand and places it within. "And you will find me. And I will wait for you."

Pale eyes stare at Loki and a hand, under a restraint, closes convulsiively on the ring.

::Why... help me? A God? I... Dont understand...::

Blue light flickers in his mind, a temple, a place of hope, a thoguht of worship, a dream... and fades, leaving confusion, and confusion stares at Loki, Lan is it's name.

"Because I wish to. And that is enough."

A flutter of feathers, a soft wave of heat that smells of sweet clove and cinnamon and burnt cedar.